My new contribution to the Encyclopaedia Britannica.

Recently, I have received a brief e-mail from one of the editors of the on-line version of the famous Encyclopaedia Britannica, kindly asking me to contribute with a series of entries regarding certain less-known mythological characters from ancient times. Apparently, they were very happy with my previous pieces on the Simurgh (a mythical flying creature), the Meremetics (a race of terrestrial pixies), and on Beguilement (their choice, not mine). 

This time, I was asked to work on three specific characters that are practically undocumented, at least if we go by the classical Western libraries and archives; still, I have my own sources and annals, and I was more than happy to browse through my personal dossiers and grimoires in order to enlighten the general public. I am personally of the opinion that knowledge should not be kept for oneself, but it should service humanity at large – especially futile knowledge, which seems to be very appealing to the modern mind. 

Well, these three mythological characters are the following: the Greek hero Menus de Vilo (Χάμπουργκερ Με Τυρί), the terrible beast named Chimaera of Concordia, that once used to reign over the actual lands of Israel/Palestine, and the fierce Roman goddess Hippona Fauna, who inspired among others Marie Antoinette, the (in)famous queen of France.   

Today, I’d like to share with you my insights on the first of these historical characters, the epic Greek hero Menus de Vilo. Unfortunately, not much proof of his endeavors has endured over millennia of cultural relativism and occasional fires. At this point, all I could firmly rely upon is an old scroll written in Macedonian language by a cultured carpenter of Albanese origin who used to know Menus personally, as well as a middle-sized sculpture of the Greek hero that I was able to recover from a flea market in Juan-les-Pins, France. 

According to undisputable historical evidence, Menus of Vilo was a true hero of his times, who literally stunned his contemporaries with his legendary exploits. His personal accomplishments include:

-the slaying of the terrifying Otteroid, a mythical creature with a triangular head, two pairs of wicked eyes and a sterling tail, which used to bring havoc to the Mediterranean cities, crushing and macerating any wooden construction in its way;

-the pilfering of the gods’ undergarments, a famous feat that forever put an end to the terrestrial incursions of Olympic beings, incursions that were becoming more and more annoying for a large number of mortals;

-the seduction of Princess Fegan Mox, who vowed to never lay eyes or hand on male flesh, and also ingurgitate food originating exclusively from fair and eco-friendly agriculture. After being charmed (and abandoned) by Menus, she would wax off the entirety of her body hair with hot honey, and she would eventually retire in a monastery on the upper peak of Mount Emos. The priestess-princess is better known as the founder of the Fegan cult (or Vegan, according to its modern spelling);

the victory over the invincible Afghan Hound, in a race that deprived the swift Hound of two of his furry legs (after stepping on an anti-personnel mine);

-the discovery of electricity, which actually brought upon his eventual death. 

The statue representing Menus de Vilo features six arms and legs (one frontal leg being bent). It was carved in jade and produced in China. The pedestal of the statue is cut into thick, dark basalt, and contains a short quote on its façade – in fact, the memorable last words uttered by Menus in the moments preceding his death: “Fiat Lux, LOL”.

~ de ubiquus pe iunie 24, 2011.

2 răspunsuri to “My new contribution to the Encyclopaedia Britannica.”

  1. I’m pretty sure I met this Menus De Vilo in my dreams last night hence finding your page 🙂

    Interesting stuff maybe I’ll do a mix about him 😀

  2. Well, that proves once more that great minds dream alike, as they say:)
    I’d be very interested to listen to a Menus electro mix of your own making (maybe sampling a bit of Banarama’s Venus?).

    I’m listening right now to your ‘Topology’ mix. It’s pretty awesome. The stuff of dreams:)

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